No, not me (although I wouldn’t say no to one): Kate Middleton. According to Joanna Lumley, apparently, and reported in the Telegraph:
On a visit to the US Marie Claire offices last week, she told editor-in-chief Joanna Coles that Middleton should get “a fleet of stylists so she’s not attacked by the ‘fashion assassins’ that will be critiquing her every look.”
Let’s not forget the height of these particular stakes:
She’s right of course, being the future Queen of England is a huge sartorial responsibility, and for every foot she puts out of place (stylishly speaking), she can expect the vitriol of the fashion blogosphere to rain down upon her. Of course, the greater proportion of them are never satisfied with anything anyone wears, so Kate should take solace in the old adage that you can’t please all of the people all of the time.
Totally lacking any sense of irony, the Telegraph writer goes on to critique Kate Middleton’s look:
If she wants to stick to the path well travelled (wrap dresses, knee-high boots, zzzz….), Middleton should look no further than Samantha Cameron’s stylist Isabel Spearman for help. Her particular line in ‘safety dressing’ is guaranteed not to offend, but is highly unlikely to win Middleton any serious fashion cred anywhere on earth (save the Home Counties).
Of course, the option of just continuing to wear whatever she likes is not discussed. What is discussed, however, is her hair (just to keep the ‘let’s criticise everything about this very attractive woman’s appearance’ theme going:
Kate should be mindful though that Laakkonen [some random fashion designer who would apparently provide a ‘fashion forward’ option] would be likely to share Valentino’s feelings about her boring blow-dry “She has to do something with this long hair because that is very important,” the retired designer opined. “To be a future queen, she can’t keep her hair this long.”
Bear in mind, Valentino looks like this. He’s an oompa-loompa with a facelift; just the guy from whom any right-thinking woman should take advice.
Anyway, Kate Middleton needn’t worry: after considering several options, the Telegraph writer has determined the best course of action:
Top of Kate’s list of people to call though should probably be Austrian born, London-based stylist Caroline Sieber. Sieber’s polished elegance has earned her a place in Karl Lagerfeld’s cheerleading squad as one of his five Chanel ‘ambassadors’. The perfect balance of beauty and brains, (she originally came to London to be an accountant and looks like she’s descended from European royalty) Sieber’s style potential was quickly spotted by Anna Wintour, and she has gone on to style the omnipresent Emma Watson. Watson manages to look young, fresh, polished and fashionable at all times and her graduation from a mousey square into a chic and respected fashion icon is a blueprint Middleton could do well from studying.
*breathes a sigh of relief*
God, what a tedious load of nonsense. Happily, my opinion seems to be shared by some of the comment-writers at the bottom of that Telegraph article. I particularly liked this one:
She’s gorgeous. She’s a babe. Leave the woman alone, you whining shrews.
Well said. And interestingly, another Telegraph article has pointed out that Kate Middleton looks fine. Could it be that fashion journalists don’t know what to do with themselves, so they look for problems that normal people (and normal journalists) don’t recognise at all? Or that Joanna Lumley will say anything to get her name in the papers? Surely not.