Guys, I’m starting to wonder how much longer I can sustain the amount of pressure I’m under at work. I have SO MUCH TO DO. I’m at that stage where you just feel wound up and stressed out all the time. And it’s not like I don’t still love the work – I do – but there’s so much of it and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get it all done. Emma started yesterday and I know that things will feel a bit easier when she’s up and running, but even trying to find time to tell her things is too much for me at the moment. And even when she is able to take back some of the day-to-day admin, I’m still going to have a vast amount of work: probably more than it’s possible to do.
I really feel like just getting up and walking out at the moment, and returning to bed for the rest of the day. It’s not good. I feel like bursting into tears at the moment and it’s not even like anything has gone wrong today – I just feel thoroughly overwhelmed. I have a day booked off next Friday and I was contemplating whether or not to take it, as I’m concerned about work piling up. But I don’t think I can not take it if I want to avoid losing the plot entirely.
I have always thought that, were I lucky enough to have a baby, I would still want to work. However, today my fantasy is to stop work, leave England, live in the middle of nowhere, have a couple of kids and spend all day pottering around the house with them. Believe me, I’ve seen enough of my friends and family as parents to know that motherhood has its own stresses and dramas, but at the moment the change of pace would be very appealing!